The Nationals fell just a single game shy of their first double digit losing streak of the 2008 campaign with their victory over the Braves today. I'm glad the Nationals pulled out the victory because I don't even want to know what catcher Paul Lo Duca would have said after another (10th) loss. After loss #9 he dropped this gem:
"You could bring a squirrel in here and he's going to do better than we've been playing."
You know things are bad when your starting catcher is claiming a single, small rodent could outdo your entire team. The reasoning behind Lo Duca's outright confidence in the baseball abilities of a squirrel could stem from Bugs Bunny's single-handed defeat of the Gas-House Gorillas in the Looney Toons classic "Baseball Bugs."
Still, you can't have the same kind of confidence in a squirrel than you can in Bugs Bunny. It's not every day you meet a rabbit capable of simultaneously playing every position on the baseball field. Furthermore, we know Bugs is loaded with general athletic talent. After all, "Space Jam" showed the world that Bugs is also a basketball superstar, worthy of both Michael Jordan's and Bill Murray's praise.
The Nationals should sign Bugs to a coaching contract as an assistant to pitching coach Randy St. Claire. Jason Bergmann, demoted yesterday to AAA Columbus, would definitely benefit from adding Bugs' self-described "perplexing slowball" to his pitching repertoire. Bugs' slowball is the greatest pitch in the history of baseball: it's the only single pitch to successfully strike out the entire side. Plus hiring Bugs as assistant pitching coach could only make the Nationals season more wacky/delightful. This would especially be the case after the Atlanta Braves fire Bobby Cox following the All Star Break and hire venerable, southern rooster Foghorn Leghorn as interim manager. Suh, I said suh...
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