Birds in the Nationals Stadium

Screech, the overweight flightless eagle who is unfortunately the Nationals' mascot, is apparently not the only bird around. Last night, a big motherfucking great horned owl, flew across the stadium just above scoreboard height right before the top of the 8th. And just a few minutes ago, at the top of the eighth tonight, some small black bird was slowly calmly walking around in front of Felipe Lopez, like a citizen of our fine city crossing the street through traffic. A grounder scattered him to the outfield, but he remains in right field right by the foul line as the game is in progress.

How do I know this?

Professor Remix is sitting in the goddamn press box because this blog has press credentials. If you're wondering why I'm not writing about the game, it's because the Nationals are getting killed.

UPDATE: Bird just flew across the infield. He is just asking for a Randy Johnson incident.

Ryan Zimmerman, a National Hero

Ryan Zimmerman just hit his eighth career walk-off hit, his fourth career walk-off homer for the Nationals. As soon as the pinch-runner scored from third in the top of the 9th, tying the score and ensuring there would be a bottom of the 9th, Professor Remix wrote down "walk off homer" in his notebook. Actually, he just said it out loud, but that's because the Professor didn't have to waste paper on what he already knew would happen (it happens so often we could just use a stock photo instead of a fresh one from the game). Sure enough, with two outs in the bottom of the ninth, Ryan Zimmerman belted one straight out of there for the win.


To clarify a point, right before the RZA (as the DC Sports Bog calls him, named after one of the best producers of Mr. Zimmerman's favorite genre of music) finished the first game in the new Nationals Park, the announcers said that he was "63 inches tall." This may be the height of former Nats utilityman Jamey Carroll, but Zimmerman is actually 75 inches tall, or 6'3".

Also: big shout out to George W. Bush, who threw out the first pitch and provided color commentary from the booth. As a baseball guy, George W. Bush is alright in my book. I don't hold a grudge against him for being put in charge of a country he can't run.

Professor Swag's Bonus of the Day: Perhaps my favorite part of Ryan Zimmerman's home run, aside from it winning the game, was his reaction as he watched the ball rocket it's way into the stands. ESPN only showed my favorite clip once, probably due to the nature of it, but it was still a great moment in Nationals history. If you watched the only once aired footage of Zimmerman's reaction to the ball before he reached first base you would have noticed him staring intensely at the ball and screaming, "GET THE FUCK OUT!" followed by the "YEAHHHHH!" which they showed so many times. I think it's safe to say that Zimmerman's "GET THE FUCK OUT!" was the first time in new Nationals Park history that the ball has successfully listened to a player's command. Hopefully there's some kind of magic in the new ballpark which allows the Nationals to control the ball in times of great need.

The new park has already created a new linguistic use of the word "spunk" with Lastings Milledge's statement to WTOP.com that "[Nationals Park] is going spunk us up." I guess Mistah Millz knew something about the new ballpark that we didn't. I'm glad Zimmerman took the time to define what being "spunked up" actually means for us last night. It's a good thing to know. Furthermore, if Zimmerman's hit didn't spunk you up, check your pulse, or check your ass on to your flight back to Atlanta.

Nationals Finally Getting Some Respect From Natonal Media Outlets

You would think a team named the "Nationals" would garner at least some national attention. That was not the case for a 2007 team which was aired on national television a grand total of three times during the entire season. How many of these three appearances showcased the fourth place Nationals? Zero, unless you considering Nationals pitcher Mike Bacsik giving up Barry Bonds record setting 756th home run a showcase.

All three of the games the Nationals played in front of a national TV audience in 2007 were by default, highlighting accomplishments of their opponents. The August 6th and 7th games the Nationals played at San Francisco on ESPN2 were only picked up nationally because Barry Bonds was sitting on 755 home runs. Seven of the Giants previous nine games leading up to the series against the Nationals were broadcast on either ESPN or ESPN2. Had Bonds hit 756 on August 3rd, 4th, or 5th, the Nationals would have been resigned to MASN (Mid-Atlantic Sports Network) and MASN2 for the August 6th and 7th games, respectively.

The Nationals made one final national TV appearance on Fox, September 29th, against a Phillies squad wrapping up a late season surge into the playoffs. The Mets epic collapse (largely due to losing 5 of 6 to the Nationals in late September) coupled with the Phillies late season hot streak (largely due to winning 4 of 6 against the Nationals in late September), forged a Phillies run into the playoffs which would have been the most exciting in baseball had it not been for a Rockies team winning 14 of their last 15 games to claim the NL Wildcard. If the Mets hold on to their late season five game lead of the NL East, there would have been no reason for Fox to air the Phillies, and by default, the Nationals, on national TV.

Before the 2007 season started, the Nationals were scheduled play on national TV once, a 3:55PM game at home against the Rockies Saturday, July 21st to be aired on Fox. When July 21st came around, did Fox broadcast this game? No. Was this game broadcast at all? No. Fox decided to drop the Rockies at Nationals game to pick up the Mets at Dodgers game being played at the same time. MASN was unable to acquire the broadcasting rights to the game, so it wasn't aired at all. That's respect stooping to Rodney Dangerfield levels if I've ever seen it.

As of 1:05 PM EST today, the 2008 Nationals have already garnered more respect from the national broadcast media than they did in 2007. It's still spring training, and the Nationals have already been showcased nationally more times than they were last season. Today's spring training game against the Tigers on ESPN wasn't just a technicality like last season's nationally broadcast games were. The Nationals were on ESPN because ESPN decided the Washington's match up with Detroit was interesting enough to attract viewers across the country.

Furthermore, the Nationals opening day game at home against Atlanta March 30th at 8:05pm is slated to air on ESPN. This broadcast solely highlights the Nationals, or more precisely, the sparkling new Nationals Park, which will be receiving it's first taste of regular season action that day. While the Nationals don't have any nationally broadcast games on their schedule after March 30, the fact that the Nationals, projected by most "experts" to finish last in the NL East, have any nationally broadcast games shows the team is moving forward in terms of fan interest, and with fan interest, respect from major TV outlets. Maybe, just maybe, if the Nationals exceed all expectations and are competitive in the NL East, we'll get to see the Nationals on Fox and ESPN a few times this season while they make a playoff run. Hope springs eternal, especially during spring training.

Bonus 1: *The Nats rocked the Tigers today, I'm about to turn the game off since I need to get on with my day and we're up 9-0. Lastings Milledge, Justin Maxwell, and Ronnie Belliard all hit convincing home runs. Milledge's third inning shot was an all out bomb. It has to have landed at least 40 feet beyond the left center field wall and could very likely have been a "yellow-seater" at old RFK. The pitching was shaky at times, but still managed to shut out a Tigers team projected to lead Baseball in runs scored. Hopefully the Nats perform this well on ESPN March 30, when it, you know, counts for something.

Bonus 2: *I was lucky enough to have some excellent seats to the not broadcasted Rockies at Nationals game so I was able to see the Nationals shutout the Rockies 3-0 on a beautiful Saturday afternoon spent with my father.

Ice Cube Down With the Nationals

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Milledge Has the Green Light on the Basepaths, to High Five Me Whenever He Wants

Manny Acta has given center fielder Lastings Milledge the green light to steal whenever he wants, so long as he keeps his base stealing percent over 74%. The Mets never afforded Yung Millz such freedom on basepaths, giving him nine total steal attempts over the two seasons he was in New York. I suppose someone born with a sweet name like Lastings is bound to be fast, but I didn't even know he had base stealing speed. Yung Millz has already promised to both hit and field better since he's playing his natural position, center field, for the Nats. The Mets had him stuck in left field, where he said he was uncomfortable.

What I don't understand is how Milledge got the "headcase" label slapped on him. The song he was on, "Bend Ya Kneez," was maybe a little grimy. It's not like it's illegal to rap (although it should be for Rocko da Don. "Umma Do Me" sounds like it was both penned and performed by a paint-huffing retard). Second of all, I don't get how high-fiving fans after you hit a bottom of the ninth game tying home run is a bad thing. Lastings, you can feel free to come over and high five me whenever you want to, especially if you just sent the game it into extra innings with a bomb. I'm glad D.C.'s media doesn't have the sensationalist asshole element that New York's does. Hopefully, your stats will affirm the "gangsta" status claimed on your three finger ring.

Finally, An Endorsement Opportunity for Dwight Gooden

Dwight Gooden will always be remembered as the Mets young phenom pitcher who at age 21, won both the AL Triple Crown and the 1985 Cy Young Award. He will also be remembered as the 23 year old who tested positive for cocaine and spent a third of the 1987 season in rehab. More recently, Gooden spent 7 months in jail for violating his probation after a rash of drunk driving arrests. He was released November 9, 2006.

Getting to the point, you're probably asking yourself, "What company would dare sign an endorsement deal with a washed-up, ex-superstar, convicted felon?" The answer: Blow Energy Drink Mix!

Blow Energy Drink is a fine ground white powder sold in vials. If you're tired after a long day, or just killed your best friend, saw your sister die before your eyes, and are battling scores of highly armed assassins hired by an angry Columbian kingpin with an M-16 in your Miami mansion you simply the mix the white powder with water for a big boost of energy. Blow Energy Drink does not recommend piling it's product on your desk, however.

Blow contains 240mg of caffeine, roughly equivalent to three cups of coffee. Blow Energy Drink Mix is a available for purchase in four pack sizes: The 2 pack Stash Box Sampler Pack for $9.95, the 12 vial Brick for $36, the 24 vial Recreational User Pack $72, and the 96 vial Fiender's Hook-Up for $200. Unfortunately, no G-Pack is yet available. But, the 12 vial Brick does include a complementary credit card and mirror!

Dwight Gooden recommends the Recreational User Pack for your re-up of Blow!

Maybe the Boone's Farm Sponsorship Isn't Such a Good Idea...

It turns out the reason Bret Boone left baseball in the first place was alcohol. He was a full blown alcoholic. As result, I'm starting to think the Boone's Farm stadium sponsorship might be a bad idea. Boone's been on the wagon for 7 months and team sponsorship by a major alcohol label could buck him right off.

Boone did a pretty damn good job playing despite what can only be described rampant alcoholism. At age 32, he claims to have been drinking 12 to 15 beers after games. Boone was 32 in 2001, a season in which he hit 37 HRS, 141 RBIs, and batted .331. He finished third in the AL-MVP voting that season. I can drink to that.

By age 36, Boone's addiction got to the point where he was more concerned with hitting the hotel bar after the game than playing the game itself. This was the point he decided to retire to get his life back in order.

Still, Boone's achievements as an alcoholic ballplayer fall well short of many who paved the way for his success, most notably Mickey Mantle and Hack Wilson.

Despite occasionally playing games still drunk from the night before, Hack Wilson holds the MLB record for RBIs in a season with 191. He also held the record for most HRs by a National League player with 56 until he was surpassed by both Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa in the Great Home Run Race of 1998. Despite playing an alcohol shortened career of only 12 seasons, Wilson was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1979. He died of alcohol induced cirrhosis of the liver at age 48 in 1948.

I'm not going to bother to talk about Mickey Mantle because you should know who he is.

Wily Mo Pena: It's All About the Damage

Wily Mo Pena recently spoke to Bill Ladsen of MLB.com about the work he's been putting in to earn a starting spot in left field for the Nationals. Here's what he had to say:

"When I was in Boston, I didn't get the opportunity like Washington gave to me. When you play every day you can do some damage. When you are not playing how can you do damage? You sit in the dugout."

Man I hope Wily Mo earns himself a doctorate in "damage" this season. 100 RBIs is required to earn the degree. Wily "Mo Damage" Pena is a nickname 100% worth earning.

The Hat-enomics of Chad Cordero

People have been getting worried lately about the fact that Chad Cordero’s brim has been shockingly curved so far this spring training (as pictured to the right in a photo stolen from the Nationals Enquirer). I think every Nationals fan loves seeing that remarkably flat brim on the mound as much as they love almost having a heart attack every save opportunity Chad has. My favorite part of his saves is that the inevitably third out comes with runner(s) in scoring position on a deep fly ball you judge to be gonezo by Austin Kearns body language, until it inevitably drops into his glove somewhere a few inches shy of the warning track. Last season I attended game 3 of the series the Nats swept on the road at Camden Yards and left feeling like I hadn’t gotten money’s worth because the Chief sat the O’s down in order in the bottom of the 9th.

Anyhow, I digress. For those of you who don’t have a PhD in hat-enomics like I do, I’ll explain something important about baseball caps that the DC Sports Bog and the Nationals Enquier are either ignoring or don’t know.

To start, I investigated Chad Cordero’s brim preferences based on my observed data collected over his three regular seasons as a National. This data suggests Cordero’s preference for flat brims holds across day vs. night games, save vs. non-save opportunity, and pre vs. post all-star break. Therefore, I established that Cordero’s preference for flat, non-curved brims was extremely strong.

However, during spring training 2007 and thus far in spring training 2008, Cordero wore his hat with a moderate to strong curvature. This new-found curvature was initially baffling; the data simply didn’t fit with the model I’d developed for the regular season.

This drove me to create a new model, one which investigated the relationship between Cordero’s brim curvature and the type of hat being worn. During the regular season, MLB players wear the traditional New Era 59Fifty model caps. While wearing this cap, Cordero demonstrated the strong affinity for the flat brim for which Nationals fans most often recognize him. However, starting in 2007, MLB switched from issuing the New Era 59Fifty during spring training, to the newly developed New Era 39Thirty model cap. Based cap data from spring trainings prior to 2007, we see that Cordero wore his cap with a flat brim. It was only once MLB began issuing the 39Thirty model caps that Cordero began wearing his cap with a curved brim.

Upon further investigation I discovered that the 39Thirty comes out of the box with a pre-curved brim in a design meant to appeal to bros. Furthermore, said brim is near impossible straighten. Based on this evidence, I think its safe to conclude that Cordero would wear the brim of his 39Thirty just as flat as that of the 59Fifty if it was possible. There is no regular season brim preference data to contradict this. In conclusion, all of my models project Cordero’s brim to be flat as usual once the regular season starts and he is wearing his 59Fifty.

Here is the 39Thirty on the left, and the 59Fifty on the right for comparison.

Headin' Down to the Farm

As you may or may not know, the Nationals recently acquired Bret Boone, adding to the already impressive collection of Boones in the organization (brother Aaron, backup 3B and father Bob, Assistant GM). With the naming rights to the tentatively named “Nationals Park” still up for grabs, why not bring another member of the Boone family into the Nats organization? I’m taking about Boone’s Farm Wine.

The gem on the waterfront that is the new Nats stadium could be “Boone’s Farm Field.” Think of the flavor it would add to what is already shaping up to be a potentially tasty season. With Apple Blossom, Blackberry Ridge, Blueberri, Blue Hawaiian, Country Kwencher (my personal favorite), Fuzzy Navel, Hard Lemonade, Kiwi Strawberry, Mango Grove, Melon Ball, Mountain Berry, Orange Hurricane, Pina Colada, Raspberry Hard Lemonade, Sangria, Snow Creek Berry, Strawberry Daiquiri, Strawberry Hill, Strawberry Margarita, Sun Peak Peach, Wild Island, Wild Raspberry and inevitably other delicious flavors available, the possibilities are endless.

With the sponsorship of Boone’s Farm the Nats could leave Screech begging for change on 19th & E. Capital St. Instead of a wobbly, obese bird who spends 50% of games gyrating his belly fat in the faces of little kids just think about this: Willie Wino. Willie Wino could be like Bernie Brewer, except instead of making alcohol, he would consume it. Also Willie Wino would smell a lot worse.

Another Ex-All Star Boone Joins the Nationals

The Nationals continued their off-season trend of courting both young head cases and over-the-hill veterans yesterday in a deal that has fans buzzing. In their latest move, the Nats acquired second baseman Bret Boone from the Fort Meyers Retirement Castles of the Southeast Independent League in a blockbuster deal that saw the departure of former National RHP Pedro Astacio and 500 gallons of Mr & Mrs. T's brand Pina Colada mix.

Bret joins some very familiar faces in the Nationals organization. Younger brother Aaron, also a former All-Star, inked a one year, $1 million dollar deal earlier this off-season to backup Ryan Zimmerman and provide veteran leadership on a Nationals team crowded with young faces. Bret’s father, Nationals Assistant GM Bob Boone is thought to have played a key role in convincing his eldest son to return to the game he said he lost passion for.

"Physically, I can still do it," said the now 39 year old Bret Boone in his March 1, 2006 retirement announcement, “but I've lost the edge. I would look into the mirror and know I'd never get that edge back."*

Speculation is leading many in the Nationals community to conclude that this very lack of “edge” is what the club sought in adding another mediocre member of the Boone to the organization. On the condition of anonymity, a source close to the Nationals management said, “As you know, we were excited to get Elijah Dukes, but the guy’s kind of crazy. While Elijah’s only threatened to kill his ex-wife and kids with a gun so far, some folks [in the organization], well, they feel like he’s still capable of promising the death of his closest kin with a knife or other sharp-edged weapon.” The source added, “God forbid what would happen if he got his hands on a machete.”

Nationals GM Jim Bowden was unavailable for comment on the matter.

*http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20060301&content_id=1329064&vkey=spt2006news&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb